Lonely or Alone?

Happy Holidays! I hope you are enjoying your time with your families.

So, there's something that keeps standing out to me as I am learning about gifted children and their needs... alone time.

I have definitely struggled with worrying about my kids being lonely or friendless because of their desire to be alone at times. But, when I’ve taken the time to observe their actions when alone or to discover why they want to be alone, my worry becomes less and I have those “Aha!” moments.

For example, a few years ago, I took my son on a mission trip with a group of teens. We worked at a camp in the mountains of Jamaica.

Before going to the camp, we took the kids to a beach to swim in the clear blue water. The kids were doing what kids do in the water, playing and clowning around. From the beach, I started looking for my son. He was off by himself, away from the group. I wondered why he wasn’t joining in and was a little worried. I walked out in the water to find out what he was doing. “Mom, do you see the little fish? Look, I’ve made a net out of my shirt. It is perfect for catching them! At first, it was challenging but I changed my design and now I can catch them.” “Aha!” moment number 1.

“Aha” moment number 2 came at the end of our stay. We were privileged to stay in a nice hotel with a rooftop pool. Late in the evening, the group decided to go for a swim. Everyone was laughing and having a fantastic time. At one point, I noticed that the group had circled up in the center of the pool and were talking. My son, however, was off by himself sitting quietly in shallow water. My thoughts were: I should go over and tell him to join the group. I wish he could bond with these kids. He always has a hard time connecting with kids his own age. Here we go again!

I decided to go up to the water’s edge and ask him what he was doing. What he told me was not what I expected to hear.

“Mom, look what I’ve noticed! If I exhale, then my body does not float as well. But, if I breathe deeply, and then I hold my breath, I float! I wonder why that is. Do you think it’s connected?”

MY kid was experimenting with buoyancy while his age peers were doing what we would expect teens to be doing in a pool late at night. “Aha!” moment number 2.

One of my favorite quotes from chapter 2 of Parenting Gifted Kids is, “There is a difference between being lonely and simply being alone… Being alone means that you value your mind enough that you would like it to accompany you occasionally on an otherwise solo mission into better understanding yourself and the world.”

As parents, I think there are some important questions to ask ourselves:

Do we work time into our schedules for our kids to have the alone time they need? Are our schedules so packed with activities that the only time to be alone is when their eyes are closed in their beds? Do we encourage quiet time in the lives of our kids? Are we helping them to value the thoughts in their minds by allowing them to pay attention to them during alone time? Do we show that WE value their minds by being quiet ourselves and listening to what our children are truly thinking?

Finally, I leave you with an explanation of 2 pictures from this Christmas. My parents had asked my son what he would pick if they gave him a choice to have anything in their house he wanted. Most teens… the computer, the big screen TV… my son immediately said the bank in your room. (It’s an old bank modeled after the old post office boxes) Well, they gave it to him for Christmas. In the chaos of present opening, I looked over and there he is, sitting alone quietly, with the bank open, trying to figure out how the combination lock worked. “Aha!”

Your child is gifted?

Raise your hand if your child’s “giftedness” has ever been questioned!

As I began reading the 1^st pages of this book, I felt like I was reading a page from a book about my own life. My oldest child’s giftedness was often questioned as well. I remember the comments that were made about my son: “He will not get his notebook out of his desk in class. He will not get out a pencil. His homework assignments are incomplete. He does not pay attention. Yes, I know he should be doing more challenging math, but I can’t accelerate his math because he will not do the classwork."

He most definitely played by his own rules and not the school’s!

In this scenario there are two players. First, there are teachers who truly do not understand that giftedness is an “inherent quality rather than a report card filled with A’s”. Secondly, there are parents who may be looking only for the A’s on the report card. Or perhaps they are parents who do not know how to parent their child through some of these behaviors and how to be a strong advocate for their child when times get tough and the questions about their child’s needs and abilities are raised.

Well, I can honestly say I have found myself in both of these positions! I’ve been a teacher who has wondered if a student, who exhibits certain behaviors, is truly gifted, and I have been a frustrated parent who did not know what to say or do when people were questioning.

With that said, here is what I’d like you to consider.

When does __(your child’s name)__ excel?

Really THINK about this for a moment! Is it in the expected academic ways? Is it in ways that are quiet and unexpected? (Like the qualities mentioned on page 6 about sensitivity and awareness)Is it in multiple ways? Is it in a way that is DIFFERENT from what we as parents have “planned out” in our own minds for our children?

In the comments below, please share what you have learned and are learning about your child’s giftedness and about yourselves. Are you having any “Aha” moments?

I believe it is critical that we as parents have a deep understanding of who is living life in our homes. Take a step back and watch, observe… Have conversations with your children in which you ask questions and then just listen to their hearts and spirits.

Enjoy slowly unwrapping this gift of giftedness that has been given to you in the form of a child!

PS – Does anyone else want to take a road trip to visit the Roeper School?

Welcome Genius Gym Parents!

Welcome to our first Genius Gym Parent University blog. The desire to have a resource like this for parents of gifted children began a little over a year ago for me.

As a teacher of gifted students, I had the privilege of attending my very first gifted educator conference. I went to this conference with the expectation that I would gain a better understanding of what gifted students need. I was looking for strategies, ideas, best practices...and I was not disappointed!

The greatest revelation and growth came for me, however, while listening to a keynote speaker. She spoke about how we have to be an advocate for this special population of students to ensure that they get the support and services that they desperately need and deserve. As I listened, there was someone who I just couldn't get out of my mind... my own gifted son.

Parenting this son of mine (who is now a college freshman) was certainly not a breeze, but has always been a joy. He has always been one who does not "fit the mold". And in a traditional academic setting he often underachieved and was often misunderstood. 

When I arrived home that evening, I went to his room and apologized to him saying, "I learned so much today and I was really challenged. I'm sorry for the ways I was unable to help you. I had no idea how to be an advocate for you... and I'm an educator!"

There are so many things I wish I had known or had support in when it came to raising both of my gifted children. If you've been wishing for the same thing, then you've come to the right place. This is a place to share our strengths and struggles, our successes and failures, our laughs and our tears. This is the start of a community of parents who want to be advocates for their gifted children, who want to champion their cause and successfully help them navigate a life with a gifted and talented mind.